Napa Valley, Missouri

So get this. Driving around in the Midwest last week, in a bedroom-like community of Kansas City (a be-YU-tiful city – need to spend more time there), saw a housing development going up named “Napa Valley.” I was SHOCKED. And then amused. And then SHOCKED again. Why? No, it’s not because it was a small tract of land that was flatter than flat with just a hint of the many more identical McMansions that would be slapped up there blaring out at us from the distance. And for sure it’s not because of its Midwest locale. Nor because it was lacking any atmosphere of ANY kind. (Disclaimer required: I’ve never been to Napa Valley, I’ve just seen pictures, but this development wuhddn’t [sic] no Napa Valley!) Here’s why I was miffed: it seems like more and more people think you can just open a can of, in this case it was “Napa Valley,” but it could be anything, add water, and there you go: It’s Napa Valley. Even if it has NOTHING to do with the original. And people fall for that?!

I can’t tell you how my brain fires off in the directions it does, but all that got me thinking of something I found incredibly ridiculous that James Laube said in one of his recent Wine Spectator columns, about if there were anywhere he’d want to have a winery it would be in Jackson Hole, Wyoming – no vineyards in that neck of the woods, but for old James, you don’t need to grow your own grapes, don’t even need to be near ANY vineyards; he points to none of that mattering anymore. You’d be, oh, how did he say it, “a fancy fish in a small pond.” And he tells you exactly how to do it: Truck that thar fruit in! And in essence, like Napa Valley, MO, just open a can of “winery,” add water, and there you go. And people would fall for that?!

I guess what’s most shocking to me, is, that in people’s search for the authentic—which we all know we’re after these days, at least those who know there’s a difference—the prescribed winemaking models that Laube suggests are so far from the authentic that I’d hope for, and that worries me. What’s going on out there? When did the new authentic become so bland and cookie-cutter? Maybe a better place for James to start a winery is in the housing development of Napa Valley, MO. Now THAT makes sense, all things considered.